Some happy thoughts as we gas up and head to the mall:

Calculated separately for both hemispheres, the 2003 temperatures for the Northern Hemisphere (0.57 C) and for the Southern Hemisphere (0.33 C) are both likely to the third warmest since instrumental records began in 1861, the Geneva-based agency said in preliminary findings pending an updated report to be published in March.

It noted that the rate of change since 1976 was roughly three times that for the past 100 years as a whole, and analyses of proxy data for the Northern Hemisphere indicate that late twentieth century warmth was unprecedented for at least the past millennium.

Measurements for Antarctica showed that the ozone hole reached 28 million square kilometres in September, matching the all-time record of September 2000 and in marked contrast to last year when the hole split in two and was the smallest in more than a decade. Ozone shields the world from cancer-causing ultraviolet radiation.

Arctic sea ice, meanwhile, dropped to 5.4 million square kilometres in September, nearly as low as the record 5.3 million square kilometres of 2002.

It could be worse. Imagine if the planet was ruled by a corrupt empire of oilmen, whose only strategy to address global decay and scarcity was unchecked militarism. Or if citizens of wealthy democracies were so consumed with material short-term interest that we blissfully drifted to ruin.

All aboard the Joy Bus! Whoop-de-fucking do!!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

:: United Nation News Centre: Global warmth up, ozone hole at record, Arctic ice down for 2003