[The Abject continues to deliver on its longstanding 1 to 4 proportion of “why I am not blogging” blog posts… Proudly barely blogging since 2001!]
Even by my standards, a five month post gap is unseemly. Partly driven by forces familiar to many of you… Over the past year, I’ve become increasingly unsure of myself. Unsure of my ability to grasp what is going on. Unsure of my ability to act. Unsure what I should even be trying. Unsure politically, professionally, personally.
I’m not alone in being horrified and disturbed at where we find ourselves. Most of what I might have to say is fueled by an unrelenting sense of anger. I am not opposed to expressions of rage. Indeed, I tend to enjoy indulging them very much. But right now I don’t see the benefit of me feeding more of that energy into the worldwide online hate machine. Not when I am so uncertain about so many things.
I’ve thought of writing about a fairly narrow range of my professional activities instead. I’ve been involved with some interesting work lately. But given this historical moment, it feels oblivious and just plain wrong to proceed as if everything is going to be OK. Not so long ago, I found myself in a meeting where we were mapping out a six year plan for our learning technology applications. Six years. Six years! Given where our present trajectory is taking us, it’s laughable to go about our business believing that any expectation could be solid enough to plan against like that. But my livelihood depends on it, so phony coward me persists in perpetuating the absurdity. I’m even directing others through it like there is some sort of map. Like this is a not-insane way to live.
That said, right now there is little outside my work I can imagine sharing. So it’s either that or no blogging at all. I miss blogging, hate feeling tied up about it. So I hope this acknowledgement will serve as some sort of inoculation against what may seem to be some shallow foolishness in the coming weeks.